


Drawing the Pain Away

by EverybodyLovesEggsy



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Eggsy Draws, Emotional Hurt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-14 05:49:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17502797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EverybodyLovesEggsy/pseuds/EverybodyLovesEggsy
Summary: What if Eggsy's first love was drawing (followed closely by gymnastics of course)?(Sorry for the kind of terrible summary)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is mostly just a start of an idea for a story but I hope you guys enjoy what I have so far :)

The first time he saw someone drawing, Eggsy was five. He watched, mesmerized, as the man seemed to create something from nothing. One moment there was a blank sheet of paper, and the next there was the most detailed picture of a woman he’d ever seen. His mum said that was the first time she ever saw Eggsy sit still for longer than five minutes. If he could have, Eggsy knew he would have stayed to watch the man draw the city around the woman, but his mum called him over to their spot in the park for lunch.

Being only five, he soon forgot about it and continued to drive his parents crazy with his endless energy.

But then, only a year later, Lee Unwin died.

At first, Eggsy lashed out and began using that endless energy in reckless ways. He began pulling pranks on some other kids in school, until, one day, his mum was forced to leave work early and pick Eggsy up. Michelle sat him down and explained that they couldn’t afford for her to miss work without his dad being around, so Eggsy did his best to be good. He struggled to confine his energy, lashing out at his mum in the process, until she was at wit’s end.

But then, Eggsy saw a man drawing in the park again. It was a different man drawing a different picture, but once again, he found himself entranced. After a few minutes, the man noticed the little boy watching his hand and offered to show him how. Eggsy hesitantly nodded and became absorbed by the man teaching him to draw. So much so that he completely forgot about his mum. Unknown to him, Michelle watched as her boy sat still, completely captivated and realized she might have found a new outlet for Eggsy’s energy.

So, when Eggsy excitedly chattered about drawing on their way home, Michelle bought him some paper and pencils.

From then on, Eggsy drew. By the time he turned seven only a few months later, he was drawing better than most ten-year-olds, and continued getting better. The only times Eggsy could be found not drawing, was when he was watching someone else draw. A few weeks later, practicing gymnastics was added to that list for the restless energy that made even drawing hard for Eggsy at times. Gymnastics burned the energy while drawing kept his reckless behavior from showing itself.

A few years later, when Eggsy was ten drawing better than most adults and was the best gymnasts of his age in the area, Dean entered their lives. He was forced to quit both when they began to give Dean a reason to hit him.

His new focus became protecting his mum – and Daisy, once she came along. There were times his hands ached to pick up a pencil and draw. He had found a substitute for gymnastics through parkour, but there was nothing that could replace the feeling of creating something with nothing but a pencil. So, he did his best to ignore it, until the feeling eventually disappeared.

It wasn’t until he saved the world did the familiar itch in his fingertips come back. After everything he had been through – from meeting Harry to watching the man die after killing a bunch of people and then killing a bunch of people himself, including Arthur, in order to stop Valentine – he felt the old restless energy in every part of him. His body was tired the same way gymnastics used to leave him, but the leftover adrenaline wouldn’t let him sleep. Instead, he found himself quietly pacing in front of a sleeping Roxy – who passed out on the couch of the plane almost as soon as he and Merlin picked her up – clenching and unclenching his fingers. Unable to quiet his brain, Eggsy began to search the plane until his found a notebook already flipped to an empty page, and a pencil in a cabinet by the bar. He sat down and began drawing, unaware of anything but the movement of his hands and the scratch of pencil against paper. He flipped to a new piece of paper when he ran out of space, but never paid attention to what he was actually drawing.

Eggsy had no idea how much time had passed when he was pulled out of his trance by a hand on his left shoulder. So focused on what he was doing, he flinched away in surprise and quickly turned to face the person.

Merlin was standing next to him, hands slightly raised in a no-harm-meant gesture, looking slightly worried. He immediately began to relax and took a breath, surprised when it came out slightly shaky. Eggsy blinked and looked around him, realizing he was still in the plane. They must have landed if Merlin wasn’t in the cockpit anymore. Roxy was sitting up in the couch looking tired and worried.

“I didnae know ye drew, lad”, Merlin told him softly, pulling Eggsy attention back to him.

Eggsy blinked at him for a second and looked down to see the half-finished drawing, now with a dark line running through it from when he startled. Even with the line, he could easily make out a one man holding up a gun to the other, a church behind one man and a few people standing behind the other.

Without taking his eyes away from the picture he hadn’t been aware he was drawing, he answered Merlin quietly, “Haven’t in years.”

There was some rustling and he heard Roxy’s voice coming from right in front of him.

“Why did you stop?”

When he didn’t answer, there was a pause and she asked, “May I see?”

He tore his gaze away from the drawing, away from the memory it came from, to look at her and Merlin now seated in front of him. Both of them were looking at him with a mix of worry and curiosity. Eggsy nodded slowly as he slowly set the pencil that he had painfully gripped in his hand down. He stretched out the cramped fingers of his right hand as he watched Merlin and Roxy’s facial expressions. After studying the unfinished drawing, Roxy hesitantly flipped the page over. Eggsy wished he could remember what he drew when Merlin took a breath and Roxy gasped. They flipped the page again and Roxy covered her mouth with a hand.

“I don’t remember what I drew”, he told them quietly, trying to defend himself from whatever it was that they were seeing.

Merlin looked up at him questioningly so he tried to explain, “The motion of my hand and the sound of pencil on paper. It’s soothing. Quiets my brain.”

At that, Merlin nodded and took the notebook from Roxy so he could flip to the next page. They stayed like that for a while – Roxy and Merlin studying the drawings while Eggsy watched their reactions. It wasn’t until Merlin handed the notebook back, did he realize how tired he felt, mind finally quiet enough for sleep.

“Come on. Both of ye need to get some sleep. We’ll be having a meeting with the other available knights tomorrow.”

Eggsy and Roxy nodded, and followed Merlin. The man led them to separate rooms in the mansion that they could stay in before going to his own. After taking everything but his pants off, Eggsy sat down on the side of the bed in his room and looked down at the notebook, now flipped back to unfinished drawing. He hesitantly flipped the page over.

The next page was a drawing of Harry leaning against a wall, one hand in his pocket and the other holding an umbrella. Exactly how the man looked outside of the police station. He lightly touched the finished version of the man’s face, wishing the man was as alive as the drawing made him look. He flipped to the next page and understood why Roxy looked ready to cry. It was a close up of Harry’s face, glasses broken and blood splattering as Valentine’s bullet made its way into the man’s skull. When he felt his eyes beginning to burn with tears he wouldn’t let fall, Eggsy quickly flipped to the next page. It was a picture of JB, sleeping on a pillow. Eggsy smiled and flipped again. He swallowed when he saw a church full of bodies, gruesomely killed.

Eggsy continued flipping through his drawings until he couldn’t stand it. They were a mix of good and bad things he has seen since Harry first recruited him, but the amount of bad he drew obviously outweighed the good. Not able to look at anymore of the gruesome drawings that had come from his own head, Eggsy set the notebook down on the bedside table and laid down. He closed his eyes and exhaustion finally took over.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the beautiful comments you guys all made for chapter one! I was inspired by the encouragement as well as the couple of ideas you guys sent and decided to continue this story into a multi-chapter fic. Yay!   
> Since I do have a few other fics that also need updating please be patient with me and my slow updating :) I am writing chapter three now and hadn't intended to post this until I was done with it, but I felt I needed to get this chapter out to let you all know that this was going to be more than a one-shot. Hope you all enjoy it!

The next day went by in a blur. Eggsy attended the meeting that was meant to fully debrief all of the knights on what happened. Almost every knight who showed had some sort of obvious injury. Eggsy catalogued their obvious exhaustion, as he listened to each of the knights explain what had happened to them. He internally flinched at each story that detailed exactly how the sim cards affected them. There were only a couple that were lucky enough to be out of range – Percival had been on a plane and Tristan in a remote area – and for each one Eggsy had to hold back a sigh of relief to keep his calm appearance. He couldn’t help but feel guilty for every injury he could see, knowing there were many more he couldn’t see and even more people who were in worse spots. For every second he hadn’t been able to stop Valentine, blood had been spilt.

Of the agents who didn’t show, Merlin informed them that, from some intel he had gathered, two had sided with Arthur, effectively getting their heads’ blown off, and one was in critical condition in a hospital. That left four empty seats, including Harry’s. They then quickly voted Eggsy in as a knight. Most of the agents claimed that V-day was enough to overlook the dog test; Eggsy was surprised when only three objected but reluctantly voted him in due to their reduced numbers. He was voted in as Galahad – the agents all agreeing it was fitting since he was Harry’s candidate. After that, Eggsy barely paid attention to the rest of the meeting, too lost in thoughts of Harry and V-day. He hadn’t even realized the meeting was over until he heard Merlin calling his name. Eggsy startled slightly but looked up.

“Are ye all right, lad?”

He pasted a smile on his face before replying, “Yeah, bruv, I’m fine. It’s a lot, innit?”

Merlin narrowed his eyes at him. Eggsy hoped the man would let it go, let him pretend everything was fine for just a little while longer. At least until he figured out what being a Kingsman meant for him and his family. Eventually the man nodded and Eggsy bit back a sigh of relief. He went to get up to leave but Merlin stopped him.

“Before ye go, Eggsy. We have a bit to discuss now that ye are an agent. Benefits and the like.”

“Benefits?”

Merlin nodded again and pulled a few papers from the stack that was on the table and handed them over.

“Yer salary is on the first page, as well as options for living arrangements provided by Kingsman. The rest details yer new bank account, how money is stipulated for missions, and so on. Once ye fill out and sign the papers, I’ll get everything set up for ye”, Merlin then pulled out another piece of paper, “Ye should also know that Harry left somethings for ye in his will. Apparently he updated it without my knowledge after the coma.”

 Eggsy hesitantly took the paper and his jaw dropped, “Wot the fuck, bruv? Is this some kind of joke?”

“I assure ye it isn’t.”

“Why in the fuck did ‘Arry leave me all of his stuff? He must have same family, yeah?”

“No, he was an only child and estranged from any extended family. They didnae approve of his lifestyle choices.”

Eggsy snorted. What ‘lifestyle choices’ could they possible disprove of? As far as the world knew he was a respectable tailor with a respectable home.

“So he left me his house and ‘all possessions within’? Isn’t his house Kingsman owned?”

“Yes and nae. Once an agent gets a home it is effectively theirs to do with what they like but if they dinnae leave it to someone after they pass then Kingsman retains the property.”

“Fuck me.”

He stared at the papers in his hands and couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed. In one day, he had gone from owning nothing to having a dream job that paid more than Eggsy has ever owned and had two different choices for living out of Dean’s flat.

Eggsy gathered the papers and swiftly stood up, “When do ya need them filled out by?”

Merlin looked at him in concern but responded, “Preferably by the end of the day but tomorrow at the latest.”

Eggsy nodded and left the room, fleeing before Merlin could ask questions, swiftly making his way to the room he stayed in the night before. Once there, thoughts still raging, Eggsy took a deep breath to try and calm himself down. He then sat down at a chair in the room and looked down at the papers in his hands. For the next hour, Eggsy filled out the paperwork and had everything filled out except the housing section. Every time he tried to fill it out, he would think of the house Harry left for him and couldn’t help but wonder what made him so special to the man. Once he did that, his mind would inevitably drift to Harry himself, then V-day and his family and then back to the papers in front of him. It was like his mind was set on a repeat of everything he was trying to ignore and Eggsy had no clue how to stop it. Frustrated, he stood up from the chair he was sitting in and began to pace. All of the things he was trying to bury aside, how was he supposed to figure out _living situations_ if he hadn’t even seen his mum or baby sister yet? He had called sometime before the meeting to make sure they were all right but other than that he had no contact. He had spent the better part of the morning trying to figure out how to get his girls out from under Dean and now he had overwhelmed because he had _too_ much. Eggsy could not wrap his mind around it.

He stopped pacing when he saw the notebook still on the bedside table. Eggsy began to move towards it but stopped and shook his head before leaving the room. As much as he wanted – _needed_ – to draw in order to get some of the things out of his head, Eggsy needed to see his family and get them safe even more.

************************

After confronting Dean in the pub, rendering the man and his lackies unconscious on the floor, Eggsy took him mum back to their flat to get Daisy and their things. His mum silently got into the Kingsman cab with him – probably in shock Eggsy’s mind supplied – and quickly helped him pack up whatever they could once they got back to the flat. It wasn’t until Eggsy had gotten the two of them and Daisy out of the flat that his mum began asking questions.

“You’ve never needed glasses before, babe.”

“We never worried about glasses before, Mum.”

His mum narrowed her eyes at Eggsy’s response, “Where did ya learn to fight like that, Eggsy? Where have ya been for the last few months?”

Eggsy swallowed and hated himself for the string of lies he was going to have to tell her in order to keep Kingsman a secret, “Been stayin’ wif some friends. One of them taught me to fight so I’d be able to get ya and Daisy out when I had enough money.”

“Your tailor friends got ya a job, taught ya to fight, and let ya stay wif them.”

Eggsy avoided the disbelieving tone and got out of the car, having just arrived at Harry’s home. He got the stuff they brought with them out of the car while his mum carried a still napping Daisy in her arms. Eggsy took the key he had gotten from Merlin before leaving HQ out of his pocket and opened the door. Once inside, Eggsy took a shaky breath as he took in the familiar items around the home. He swallowed hard, keeping his thoughts at bay, and set the bags in his arms down before turning back to his mum. She hesitantly walked in, eyes darting to all of the items in the home.

“Ya sure it’s okay that we stay here?”

“Harry wouldn’t mind,” Eggsy told her with a tight voice.

His mum seemed to have noticed his sad tone because she quickly crossed the distance between them and laid a hand on his arm.

“Oh, babe. V-day?”

Eggsy squeezed his eyes shut but nodded. His mum wrapped in a hug with the arm that Daisy wasn’t in and he battled with tears that threatened to fall as he hugged her back. After a minute, once Eggsy regained his composure, he pulled away and picked up the bags he had set down. He then motioned for his mum to follow and led them to the guest room upstairs.

“You and Dais’ can share this room tonight. Tomorrow we are gettin’ a house of our own and we’ll move there”, he told his mum.

When she nodded, Eggsy left the room to go back downstairs. He made his way to the bar and poured himself a drink. He quickly drank that before pouring himself another finger. Eggsy put the alcohol away, knowing tonight was not a night he could get drunk, and sat on the couch. Still holding the drink in his hands, Eggsy stared at the glass. His mind was raging the way it had been before he left HQ to get his family, but couldn’t find it in him to go through Harry’s house until he found some paper and a pencil. Eggsy threw back his drink and leaned his head back so it was resting against the back of the couch. It was there, alone on Harry’s couch that silent tears finally made their way down his cheeks for the… friend that he lost.

A startled laugh came out of Eggsy when he realized that he didn’t even know what to call the man. Calling him a friend didn’t seem adequate for the first man to believe in him and offer him a chance at a better life. He supposed others called him his mentor, but that didn’t seem to do him justice in Eggsy’s mind. Eggsy laughed again, knowing it was ridiculous. Harry was dead and here he was here trying to figure out what the man meant to him. Before he could register it, Eggsy’s laughing turned to sobs. Unable to stop the sobs that he had been pushing away since the man died, Eggsy moved so he was curled up on his side. There was a muted thump from the glass he had been holding falling onto the floor, but Eggsy ignored it. He wasn’t sure if it was a minute or an hour later when he felt the sobs taper off and he began to drift off. Eggsy easily welcomed the oblivion of sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Would love some (read: am secretly begging for) feedback! I've hit a road block on where I want to go with the story and constructive criticism helps me to figure out what I want to do next so if you like it let me know :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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